Thursday, August 15, 2013

Something Coming Back

Being to my job and returning back to home and sitting on the same window with hot cup of coffee and seeing the busy roads from the 9th floor and missing you with all my heart till my mind don’t order my heart by saying ‘You are gone forever.’
‘Panchi? Panchi?’ A voice came up from behind. I was shocked and get up.
‘How did you came in? I locked the door’. I replied.
‘It was open. And Your bell wasn’t working I guess.’
It was my house society manger. ‘I am sorry uncle. Please have a seat. What will you have?’
‘Nothing Panchi. Please sit. I wanted to have some words with you.’
‘Yes Uncle?’ I sat in front of him.
‘As you know my daughter Abhivyakti is getting married in some day. And we have lots of guests. I just wanted to ask you if you can mange my one member at your home. He is my niece. And I promise you he wont disturb you. Please.’
I love being alone at my home cause I find myself near you. But Uncle always helped as a father. So, I cant even afford to say no. So I said yes.
‘Thank you Panchi beta. Thank you so much.’ He said
‘No its okay uncle. You are like my father. You don’t need to say that.’
He smiled and said ‘ He is coming tomorrow morning. At 8 am.’
‘Oh! But I leave almost at 7:30 AM. So I show you the room. And give you an another key.’
I showed him the room where I use to sleep. Cause the room in we used to sleep I cant let anyone in. But I was afraid cause your memory will haunt me in the room where I am going to sleep. The room where we shared everything we can. Our dreams our love. You were so connected with everything.
The Next morning I woke up with my same routine. Get ready and miss you. Had my breakfast and miss you. But the thing changed when I entered in our old room. Heart beat rises. To cry or to smile become a confusion. Every little thing was haunting. I went on my knee and cried and cried. I shouted ‘Why did you leave me alone? Why? Why Arjun?’
I put myelf back and ran for office as I was already late. I entered in the lift and hopefully it was working. I pressed the ground floor button.
And soon as lift opened I ran.. For my job or from you I don’t know.
I came back to home the door was open I entered in and all the house was to messed up. I clutched up my hair and started cleaning. And shouted ‘Arrrrjun, improve your habits.’ I pushed myself back. And my mind said you are gone.
‘Sorry, Ma’am I will clean it. I am sorry for making so much of mess.’ A manly voice came and I looked up.
‘Its okay I will clean it.. I am Panchi Arjun Rathore. And this my house.’
‘Hi, I am Arjun Vyas. Vyas uncle’s Niece.’ He replied. I looked shocked into his eyes. Arjun? Why? He continued.. ‘Arjun is your husband name?’
I replied ‘Was.’ I closed my eyes and out of my consciousness I asked.’ Would you like to have coffee?’
He politely said ‘Yes. I just clean up the mess. And I am so sorry.’
I smiled and went into the kitchen.
I sat back at my old position and missed you. But today is someone to give me a company. ‘So Panchi ji.. Where do you work? I hope I am not disturbing you.’
‘No, No Its fine. I work in Infosys as HR. What do you do?’
‘I am a writer. I write stories. But none of them got published.’
‘Why?’ I asked.
‘Because I write ‘Thadi stories’ Means short and its hard to publish them.’
‘Ok.’ I again began  to look at busy road.
The whole time he keeps on chitter chatter. And some point of time I laughed too. After long time. I stood up to leave. He called up my name ‘Panchi?’ I turned back.. ‘You smile is heart taking.’ He said.
I smiled and went to kitchen and then to room.
I woke up, get ready and went to kitchen to cook up my breakfast as usual. But as soon as I came out from my room Arjun took my hand and made me sit on Breakfast table. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked.
He replied and said ‘I cooked up breakfast for you.’ And he brought Poha and Coffee for me.
‘But why did you did all this?’ I asked
‘Cause I wanted too.’ He replied and smiled.
He started to taking care of me. I don’t know how and when He became too attached to me. And the day came of Abhivyakti marriage. He brought up a lehenga(Indian Tradional wear) for me. I refused to wear. As after Arjun was gone. I never wear those bright color. But he keeps on forcing. So, He said ‘I am leaving tomorrow can’t you do this much for me. Please.’ And he made a puppy face. With all the arguments I have to accept it.

I got ready and looked up into the mirror. And just thought of you in my mind. I always love to get ready because you are the one to admire me all the time. I still remember before marriage we use to talk on Skype and I have oiled my hair and you still say ‘You look beautiful.’ I looked in mirror and smile. First time when I remember you and I didn’t cried. Its like you wanted me to smile with all the colors.
I went outside. And Arjun was waiting for me. He keep looking to me and didn’t said a word. In the marriage where Phere (Indian marriage tradition) started Arjun hold my hands and took me on terrace.
‘Arjun, What happen? Why you brought me here?’
He hold my hand and pull me closer. His hands went on my waist. I started feeling uncomfortable. I said politely ‘Arjun!’ And all of a sudden it started raining heavily.
He started saying ‘Panchi, I don’t know why and I don’t know how I fall in love with you. I like smiling with you. I love laughing with you. I like seeing you smile. Making your morning breakfast. Waiting for you at home. Talking to you. I love you Panchi.’ He moved forward and kissed me and I didn’t even stopped him. As soon as rain stopped. I opened my eyes and push him back and started to cry. ‘Arjun, I am married.’
‘He is dead Panchi.’ He said. And I slapped him. How can he. ‘Shut up Arjun. I live only for him. No one else.’
‘Then whose stopping you Panchi. Live for him but don’t kill yourself for him everyday.’
‘No Arjun No.’ I ran in my flat and cried whole night and fall asleep.
I took a bath to freshen up my self. And look at the table there was no coffee and no Poha. I went in Arjun’s room. He already left. There was a letter on the table.

‘Hi Panchi, I am sorry for the last Night. I didn’t meant to hurt you. I love you and I always will. Arjun left you cause it wasn’t in ones hand. Its god who decided. But remember I live for you like you live for him. I will miss you with my every heartbeat. I will make coffee just to remember you even if I don’t like to drink. You cant be mine but I will be yours forever.
                                                         Only Idiot for you Arjun. ‘

I hold the letter and I cried. I love you too Arjun. I love you too.
I gather myself up. Suddenly I found another letter in that drawer. Its from Arjun.. He gave it to me on our first anniversary saying..

‘My love Panchi,
Please always be happy. My love is strength for you not weakness. Always smile for me. Your smile matters to me. Even if you are with me or not.
Wish you a very happy anniversary dear. I love you. :* :*
                                                                 Only Idiot for you Arjun’   

‘Arjun’. Then you strike my mind. Go and get your smile back. Please for me. And I went to uncle’s house. ‘Uncle, Arjun?’
‘Panchi, He just left for the airport. But  What happen?’
I didn’t replied there was no time to waste.. I ran towards the airpot..
After all the request I done to guards they let me in. I shouted aloud ‘Arjuuuuuun!’ There was no reply. As I was leaving. A voice came.. ‘Panchi?’ I turned back. It was Arjun.. I ran towards him. A tear roll down from my eyes and without saying anything I hugged him. ‘I love you Arjun. Don’t you ever dare to leave me.’ He hugged me more tightly. And asked ‘Did you had your breakfast?’ And look towards him and we both laughed.
“But I will always love you.” I looked up and smiled.