Its Never Too Late

'We can’t meet anymore Aadit’ I said.

‘Why Jovita?’ Why?’ He asked.

I could see the tears in his eyes which were about to fall. He was getting weak. I loved him with all my heart but I couldn’t even go against my parents who trusted me so much.

‘My parents won’t allow me. And we both knew it from starting.’ I replied. ‘I can’t go against my parents.’

"Then who was I? I devoted 5 years of my life to you and loved you like an idiot all this while " he said. "I am addicted to you Jovita. I cant see my life without you."

"Aadit, We knew it from starting baby. All this time we knew what’s the end of this relationship" I replied.

I knew myself well. I knew how much I was attached to him. I knew what he meant to me but more than that I was worried about my dad. He spent all his life for my happiness. I couldn't do this to him.

We were in a restaurant at that moment. I made a move to leave saying "Aadit, I need to go. Bye!"

“Bye” was one word we both decided that we will never say to each other. He hated “Bye”. I made him feel that we are never meeting again in life .And started to walk away .

He called my name ‘Jovita’ and I turned back and saw him standing there. He continued ‘Remember one thing Jovita. I am always here for you. I will always love you. I remain happy in my life only for you. Cause I know you love me. And be happy. Always. I will miss you.’ He looked straight in my eyes all this while .

Finally I broke down. A tear rolled down my cheeks and I hugged him. And cried. He cried with me too.‘I love you more than you know’ I whispered to him . I struggled a bit to drift away from him but to make things even more difficult for me, he got hold of my hand as I was leaving and said ‘I always want to see you happy. Smiling. Please smile for me.’

We both were too shattered from inside but we still smiled at each other. And that’s when I saw him last. Its been almost one year since the day we saw each other last but I can still feel his presence in my life. I always see his name in my what's app list and an urge plays up in me to message him. But I can't. When I listen to ‘Mann Mera song’ which he dedicated to me when he proposed to me I miss him terribly. I miss him when I see Aish and Hrithik jodi. Actually I think I just need a reason to miss him. I love him like an idiot. I always pray to god to do some miracle to bring him back in my life. But the time passes by and that day doesn't come.

My marriage has finally been arranged ‘in my so called caste’. I don’t know why this caste is so important in marriage. Why its important to get married in the same caste. I wonder if my babies will be normal people or they will be born with some caste stamp on them like from some movie Tera bapp chor hai’types and my baby will born with ‘You belong to your so called Caste’.

But anyways,more than a caste it was for my dad.

‘Jovita, get ready fast. Nadeen is about to come to pick you up.’ My dad screamed.

My dad was more excited than me. Actually he was the only one who was excited. It was my first meeting with Nadeen after our marriage was announced. I wanted to tell Nadeen about my past with Aadit. And I knew I would let him know it tonight.

‘Dad, its ok. Relax I will decide. And don’t worry. Ok?’ I calmed my dad down.

He made me sit beside him and said ‘Jovita, you are my pride. I know you will never let me down.’

‘I love you Papa.’ I hugged him and asked him to leave my room as I had to get ready.

I wore an Anarkali suit in yellow colour which Aadit used to like the most. He always said that I looked like an angel in yellow colour. As I got ready reached the living area I saw Nadeen sitting there with my dad. He stood up the very moment when he saw me there and kept on looking at me. I fancied that look a lot. I kept finding Aadit in him whenever he did that. But he was way different than Aadit.

We had dinner together. He treated me like a polite gentleman. All the time I was looking for a moment to tell him about Aadit. But there was none that I could find and was a bit sad. 

When he was leaving me back home in car he mumbled quietly ‘Jovita’

It instantly made me attentive bringing me out of myriad thoughts running through my mind.

‘Am I so bad?’ he asked. I looked towards him in a weird expression. He continued ‘No, I mean I was speaking all along. But you never responded well.’

‘No its not like that. You are a very nice person Nadeen. I am just a little shy one. It takes me a little time to open myself .’ I quickly replied trying to hide all that I was busy thinking in all evening.

As we reached home, I invited him inside the house. The door was open. We entered the house and found Nadeen’s parents and my dad sitting in the living area. Meanwhile they had decided upon mine and Nadeen’s engagement the other day and wedding just after. I didn’t know how to react once they told us this. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run away. I wasn’t happy deep down. But my mind continuously ticking ‘be happy,be happy’ made me behave like I really was.

The next morning was all different. It wasn’t the same house I was living in. It was more like some luxurious hotel. It was all like the way I had ever dreamt of. From my attire to my card, everything. But some other things changed my feeling to the name written in the card. I still imagined life with him. But I had to accept the reality.And the reality was different.

With days and nights passing by in all good pace the moment arrived when I was dressed like a bride. When I was treated like a princess. I was there walking the aisle. Despite of what I had wanted I headed towards the stage. Nadeen's eyes were all on me. And I just had no guts to look in his eyes. I stood beside him and soon the ceremony started and we both exchanged our rings. I wanted to cry out loud. But I had to be happy. Soon the guests started flocking both of us one by one to wish us. I didn’t look up a single time. I didn’t want to. Cause if I did I would have to smile and which I couldn't. I just nodded my head every time someone wished.

‘Congratulations Nadeen. Your wife is beautiful’ someone greeted Nadeen.

I looked up to recall that voice. It was Aadit who was standing in front of me. My heart almost missed a beat. I wanted to hold his hand. Wanted to tell him about the way I lived without him all this time.

But I said nothing. My eyes filled with tears. Aadit stood next to me for a photo-op. While making a move to go down the stage Aadit left a note in my hand. I was eagerly waiting to read that note.

As soon as the function got over and I was a bit alone I read the note. The note said ‘Meet me at pool side around 11 pm today.’

I changed into casuals and left as soon as I could. He was already there waiting for me.

‘Aadit, what are you doing here?’ I gasped in all the haste and inquisitiveness to know what he had to say.

He replied ‘Nadeen is my friend and he has invited me here.’

‘Why did you call me here?’ I asked

‘I was noticing you since sometime standing there and the way you were looking down all the time holding your pallu. I could see the tears in your eyes. Your actions made me give you the note’ He continued. ‘Jovita, Nadeen is one the best persons I know. Please, don’t do that to him. He never had a girlfriend. He always wanted to have only one girl in his life and that too he left on his parents. Please, Don’t be unfair to him.’

He continued again ‘Speak something Jovita. I am with you and always will be. Whatever is there you can say.’

‘Aadit I was scared, I wanted to tell him lot of things but I didn’t know where to start with. I really miss you.’ A tear rolled down my cheeks. I started crying and said ‘I cant let you go. I tried. I tried thousands of times. But I failed. I know I am doing wrong. I am destroying everyone’s life yours, mine and Nadeen's. But I don't know what to do Aadit. Please help. Please!’

‘Okay! First stop crying. Stop crying baby. I am here na. I wont let anything happen to you’ he said..

I controlled my tears and asked ‘ Aadit, Can you do last thing for me?’

He replied ‘Yes Baby.’

‘I want to live this night fully. I want imagine my whole life with you in this moment.’ I asked.

He hold my hands and said ‘I will make this night your whole life.’

He took me in some film studio.. And I travelled my life journey in that night.

We got married then we had our babies in which Aadit wanted 5 and I wanted only 2 and we were almost about to fight. The they got married. We had our grand children and we die after seeing their marriage together to make a new life. I lived my whole life in those moments.

Now after at the age of 53 when I wanted to see my Grand children marriages. Aadit was in front of me. Kneeled down and proposing me to be his life forever. And I was thinking How long forever its going to be.

‘What? Why are you laughing? And please reply fast. My knees are paining.’

‘Why are you doing this?’ I asked.

‘Because now there are no boundaries. Because its only us. And no one will ask reason. And if they do it wont matter to us.’ he said.

I laughed and finally ‘Yes. I will.’ I replied.

And the next day we were married.

When we going through our albums I said to Aadit ‘I miss my dad Aadit.’ And continued ‘After that night. I wasn’t sure how to accept Nadeen in my life. So, I refused to get married. My dad accepted that without any question. My dad has created his respect so I can’t go against him. But I can’t go with him to destroy someone future. I got job here Salzburg and shifted here. And become neighbors with you. And with the right time when no will ask question we got married.’

‘Jovita, Don’t think so much. For me its you who matter not my marriage or having children. We have been separated but still we were together.’ He hold my hands and continued ‘I have got a new birth today. You are the most beautiful part of my life. Who is with me and always going to be with me. I love you Jovita I love you a lot.’

Credits: Edited By: Sumita Garg :) Thank you di.

Something Coming Back

Being to my job and returning back to home and sitting on the same window with hot cup of coffee and seeing the busy roads from the 9^th floor and missing you with all my heart till my mind don’t order my heart by saying ‘You are gone forever.’

‘Panchi? Panchi?’ A voice came up from behind. I was shocked and get up.

‘How did you came in? I locked the door’. I replied.

‘It was open. And Your bell wasn’t working I guess.’

It was my house society manger. ‘I am sorry uncle. Please have a seat. What will you have?’

‘Nothing Panchi. Please sit. I wanted to have some words with you.’

‘Yes Uncle?’ I sat in front of him.

‘As you know my daughter Abhivyakti is getting married in some day. And we have lots of guests. I just wanted to ask you if you can mange my one member at your home. He is my niece. And I promise you he wont disturb you. Please.’

I love being alone at my home cause I find myself near you. But Uncle always helped as a father. So, I cant even afford to say no. So I said yes.

‘Thank you Panchi beta. Thank you so much.’ He said

‘No its okay uncle. You are like my father. You don’t need to say that.’

He smiled and said ‘ He is coming tomorrow morning. At 8 am.’

‘Oh! But I leave almost at 7:30 AM. So I show you the room. And give you an another key.’

I showed him the room where I use to sleep. Cause the room in we used to sleep I cant let anyone in. But I was afraid cause your memory will haunt me in the room where I am going to sleep. The room where we shared everything we can. Our dreams our love. You were so connected with everything.

The Next morning I woke up with my same routine. Get ready and miss you. Had my breakfast and miss you. But the thing changed when I entered in our old room. Heart beat rises. To cry or to smile become a confusion. Every little thing was haunting. I went on my knee and cried and cried. I shouted ‘Why did you leave me alone? Why? Why Arjun?’

I put myelf back and ran for office as I was already late. I entered in the lift and hopefully it was working. I pressed the ground floor button.

And soon as lift opened I ran.. For my job or from you I don’t know.

I came back to home the door was open I entered in and all the house was to messed up. I clutched up my hair and started cleaning. And shouted ‘Arrrrjun, improve your habits.’ I pushed myself back. And my mind said you are gone.

‘Sorry, Ma’am I will clean it. I am sorry for making so much of mess.’ A manly voice came and I looked up.

‘Its okay I will clean it.. I am Panchi Arjun Rathore. And this my house.’

‘Hi, I am Arjun Vyas. Vyas uncle’s Niece.’ He replied. I looked shocked into his eyes. Arjun? Why? He continued.. ‘Arjun is your husband name?’

I replied ‘Was.’ I closed my eyes and out of my consciousness I asked.’ Would you like to have coffee?’

He politely said ‘Yes. I just clean up the mess. And I am so sorry.’

I smiled and went into the kitchen.

I sat back at my old position and missed you. But today is someone to give me a company. ‘So Panchi ji.. Where do you work? I hope I am not disturbing you.’

‘No, No Its fine. I work in Infosys as HR. What do you do?’

‘I am a writer. I write stories. But none of them got published.’

‘Why?’ I asked.

‘Because I write ‘Thadi stories’ Means short and its hard to publish them.’

‘Ok.’ I again began  to look at busy road.

The whole time he keeps on chitter chatter. And some point of time I laughed too. After long time. I stood up to leave. He called up my name ‘Panchi?’ I turned back.. ‘You smile is heart taking.’ He said.

I smiled and went to kitchen and then to room.

I woke up, get ready and went to kitchen to cook up my breakfast as usual. But as soon as I came out from my room Arjun took my hand and made me sit on Breakfast table. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked.

He replied and said ‘I cooked up breakfast for you.’ And he brought Poha and Coffee for me.

‘But why did you did all this?’ I asked

‘Cause I wanted too.’ He replied and smiled.

He started to taking care of me. I don’t know how and when He became too attached to me. And the day came of Abhivyakti marriage. He brought up a lehenga(Indian Tradional wear) for me. I refused to wear. As after Arjun was gone. I never wear those bright color. But he keeps on forcing. So, He said ‘I am leaving tomorrow can’t you do this much for me. Please.’ And he made a puppy face. With all the arguments I have to accept it.

I got ready and looked up into the mirror. And just thought of you in my mind. I always love to get ready because you are the one to admire me all the time. I still remember before marriage we use to talk on Skype and I have oiled my hair and you still say ‘You look beautiful.’ I looked in mirror and smile. First time when I remember you and I didn’t cried. Its like you wanted me to smile with all the colors.

I went outside. And Arjun was waiting for me. He keep looking to me and didn’t said a word. In the marriage where Phere (Indian marriage tradition) started Arjun hold my hands and took me on terrace.

‘Arjun, What happen? Why you brought me here?’

He hold my hand and pull me closer. His hands went on my waist. I started feeling uncomfortable. I said politely ‘Arjun!’ And all of a sudden it started raining heavily.

He started saying ‘Panchi, I don’t know why and I don’t know how I fall in love with you. I like smiling with you. I love laughing with you. I like seeing you smile. Making your morning breakfast. Waiting for you at home. Talking to you. I love you Panchi.’ He moved forward and kissed me and I didn’t even stopped him. As soon as rain stopped. I opened my eyes and push him back and started to cry. ‘Arjun, I am married.’

‘He is dead Panchi.’ He said. And I slapped him. How can he. ‘Shut up Arjun. I live only for him. No one else.’

‘Then whose stopping you Panchi. Live for him but don’t kill yourself for him everyday.’

‘No Arjun No.’ I ran in my flat and cried whole night and fall asleep.

I took a bath to freshen up my self. And look at the table there was no coffee and no Poha. I went in Arjun’s room. He already left. There was a letter on the table.

‘Hi Panchi, I am sorry for the last Night. I didn’t meant to hurt you. I love you and I always will. Arjun left you cause it wasn’t in ones hand. Its god who decided. But remember I live for you like you live for him. I will miss you with my every heartbeat. I will make coffee just to remember you even if I don’t like to drink. You cant be mine but I will be yours forever.

                                                         Only Idiot for you Arjun. ‘

I hold the letter and I cried. I love you too Arjun. I love you too.

I gather myself up. Suddenly I found another letter in that drawer. Its from Arjun.. He gave it to me on our first anniversary saying..

‘My love Panchi,

Please always be happy. My love is strength for you not weakness. Always smile for me. Your smile matters to me. Even if you are with me or not.

Wish you a very happy anniversary dear. I love you. :* :*

                                                                 Only Idiot for you Arjun’   

‘Arjun’. Then you strike my mind. Go and get your smile back. Please for me. And I went to uncle’s house. ‘Uncle, Arjun?’

‘Panchi, He just left for the airport. But  What happen?’

I didn’t replied there was no time to waste.. I ran towards the airpot..

After all the request I done to guards they let me in. I shouted aloud ‘Arjuuuuuun!’ There was no reply. As I was leaving. A voice came.. ‘Panchi?’ I turned back. It was Arjun.. I ran towards him. A tear roll down from my eyes and without saying anything I hugged him. ‘I love you Arjun. Don’t you ever dare to leave me.’ He hugged me more tightly. And asked ‘Did you had your breakfast?’ And look towards him and we both laughed.

“But I will always love you.” I looked up and smiled. 

Alfaz

Khwabh dekhe zaamana beet gaya.

Koi nai dastan likhe zamana beet gaya.

Us shayar ki nazro se nazrein milaye arsa ho gaya.

Unhe pure dil se chahe aisa Sapna dekhe arsa beet gaya.

Is dil ke tut te shor se zamana anjan ho gaya.

Meethe alfazo se ye dil anjan ho gaya.

Woh lafz jo hum pure bol bhi na paye the unhe pura karne se ye dil bhi aitraz kar gaya.

Unhe use chahat bahri nazro se dekhne se ye dil aitraz kar gaya.

Jo aitbar aur aitraz lafzo se mila ke gaye unhe ko Milne se ye dil aitraz kar gaya.

Na jaane is dil ne kab tumhare bina dhakna sikh lia.

Sans toh chalti hai par yaadon ka daman chin lia.

Woh badan toh le aye the hum par woh rooh ne ane se inkar kar dia.

Aine mein khudko tumhare bina dekhna Sikh lia.

Ankhon mein tumhe basana chod dia.

Dil ki dua toh yehi rahi jaha raho humare raho tum.

Par aj toh dua ne bhi tumhe apnane se inkar kar dia. 

Washed up by Tides

Belonging from small city always gives an inspiration to see big dreams. This place is actually Village. In which people live because they were born there or some because the peace is an exception. But I always seen a big dreams to live in a big city to work according to my dreams. So I studied but this village don’t give an opportunity to study well. All I knew a little English and Counting to hundred. But I wanted to run away from here and I knew it well I can’t and one day A family came up in search of a mattress who knows a little English and counting. Who want a girl to handle there two children due to the busy schedule of there. And being the only person in my village who is little educated they picked me up.

It was a big house. Family has many servants for there different work. But still they make me sleep in the kitchen. The light entering in the kitchen at night never let me sleep. The sound of the busy city was too harsh to bear at night. I even asked them to let me sleep in living room but they never allowed. Its been almost 3 months that I haven’t slept properly. And one night fed up from the Big cities light and sound I went under the staircase. I folded my legs and wrapped my arms and cry loudly. Sobs to take out the irritation out of me. And then I met him. It was nearly 1 at night. He came up from the late night show. He was just an another servants of there. He came close removed my hands to see my face and stop me from crying. And then asked me ‘Priya, What’s wrong?’

And I replied ‘The night is long and the city is too big and I don’t want to go back home.’

He continued ‘I don’t want to go back home either. And I don’t want you to go back anywhere. All I know I have been destined in this city for so many years just to meet you.’

I looked up to her and smiled. And That’s how I met him.

The family next day was planned to got to Parabel I was excited cause then I can meet Raj freely. Even we both were excited to meet each other freely. He keep on teasing me with the song ‘Main ghar ma akeli hoon aja balma’. But the family told me they want me to come with them as well. I give lot many excuse but they didn’t listen to any of them.

When I went to Parabel I experienced a heaven. The Swings, cottages, Balconies, Sound of tides, Yellowish sand, Black sand.

When I came back after a week from parable I was feeling free. Relaxed and more pulled toward love. At night when Raj use to come to meet me  I was started becoming more comfortable towards him. Showing more love and gesture. And keep on telling him about the Parabel.

But Raj told me he never liked Tides and waves. And the sand in which his foot get disappear never been his taste. But still I was mad about that place. When the family made the plan about parable again. I jumped with excitement. ‘Raj we are going again, and I am so excited.’ He replied ‘ Good I am happy for you.’ He said that he was happy but on his face there was null happiness for me. I asked him hundred time if something is wrong but he never replied back.

I went to parable again. I was standing on the window with other two servants a lady cook and a driver. We were talking to each other about our life. I was worried about raj. But then I saw him near the bamboos trees. I was about to call his name when I noticed he was trying to hide himself from me to keep an eye on me. I was disappointed so I left the place. It was a restaurant where we headed for dinner it was a covered restaurant. I was handling baby from one hand and having food from another. I didn’t talk much this time as I don’t wanted too. The later on we left the restaurant I made both the children fall asleep and left to be near beach. I knew he was there..’Raj, What the matter is? Are you thinking I am cheating on you?’

He replied ‘No. I am sure you are not. But my insecurity pull me here.’

He shuts his eyes knowing he can cry any minute now. He continued ‘Night is too long, the stars too bright, the seas too loud and yet, I cannot bear to go back without you. I cannot bear to be anywhere without you.’

I fall in his arms and wiped his tears and Kissed him on the beach I was love in. And decided to be together always as we both cannot live without each other.

(P.S. Inspired by Annie Zaidi Love stories)

When Writer Loves You

‘I am writer the one who writes the story bout others. The story to know what it can feel to other person whose experiencing it. The one whose going through all ups and downs. Basically if there’s a story it will have an ups and Downs.’ I said.
‘But Mr. Khan have you experience theses ups and downs? Your stories are mor
e about Love. Have you experienced this love in real?’ A journalist asked.
I laugh a little ‘One can not right a story without experiencing it unless he’s copying it.’ I replied.
‘So, You fell in love. But you never wrote a story about yourself. Why? And you never bought your Ladylove to these Press conference.’ Another Journalist ask.
‘I am do not want to. I like keeping my life little personal.’ I took a pause ‘Thank you for arranging the press conference. That’s all for today. We continue at the next time.’ I get up and leave.
I took a one bottle from bar and left the Conference. Gear up the car and went back to my house straight to the terrace. That’s where I saw her first time. That’s the place where I started writing about my first book which was never been published.
Back 4 years ago..
I was trying to write a story without any story. I developed a character. A girl with all his simplicity. The one who has the nature of helping others. I developed an another character. A myself - rich and getting things without struggle. They were happy in there life. But I wanted them meet in coffee shop like an accident. Just as I meet Shanaya. She was handling so many thing in one tray and I filing up my paper and we both  meet an accident.
‘Do you know how much costly is that? Are you blind?’ She said in all anger.
‘And do you know thing money can come back. But these paper can’t come back?’ I replied in same anger.
‘I am sorry. It was my mistake.’ She replied.
The way she said sorry without take fight too long was something amazing. I wonder such person still exist one who won’t fight for there money and feel guilty for others hard work in vain.
‘Its okay! It was mine mistake too. Sorry!’ I replied.
She was wearing white blue suit. Long hair pushing her front hair continuously toward back of her ears. I didn’t able to believe it was all like I have written for my book. I keep falling for that Girl character and keep making her fall with boy.
She entered in my office that day. ‘Sir please may I come in?’
‘Yes!’ I replied. ‘You?’
‘Sir! Aaa…’ She was out of words.
‘Relax! Please sit. I think god want me too meet you. I think it’s the best way to got through our punishment. You help in completing my paper work you destroyed. I pay back money. Right?’
She smile and replied ‘ I think so. I am Shanaya Phaluki sir.
On the other hand, My story was about the girl. The way she thinks more about others than her happiness. The way she puts up all her effort to make other happy. When Shanaya enter my life she was the same.
I keep falling for the character as keep falling for Shanaya. And so in Shanaya with me. And in few times we in love with each other.
But Soon I realize there something different in shanaya. She keep on forgetting the little things. I didn’t took it seriously in starting. But the limits occur when She put took a bath 1 hour ago and then serving me a breakfast she said ‘I haven’t taken a bath from morning. I might get late today.’ I keep on to her. I told her ‘Shanaya, You took a bath 1 hour ago.’ I went close to her and hold her hands shanaya I think we should see a doctor. She didn’t replied just nodded.
We went doctor. She examined her. ‘Mr. Khan its serious. She is suffering from Schizophrenia i.e., she will experience the thing which might never happen. She might forgot keep forgetting the thing or might completely forget her past. I was completely in shock. ‘How can I treat her?’ I asked out of my consciousness.
Doctor replied ‘ There are no such treatment. We have mental rehabilitation center for them.’
A tear rolled down my eyes. ‘I cant lose her.’
I went out shanaya was waiting for me. ‘Mr.Khan where were you? I was waiting from you too long. Don’t we have to see a doctor?’ I looked to her and hugged tightly and Break into tears.
Today
I ended my book with the same but I didn’t wanted to publish it. Cause the pain was mine and don’t wanted to share the pain. Cause this pain was her love to me.
‘Sir, Ma’am is not eating the food.’ Servant said.
I went to her. ‘Hi, I am Asar khan. And I love you from the time I say. I want to have a dinner with you.’
She replied instyle. ‘But I don’t know you. (Well she actually didn’t). And what are you doing in my husband house ( She remember the husband’s house but not the Husband)’
I controlled my tear and looked straight into her eyes and said ‘I love you’
She fell into my arms and said ‘Where were you? You know na I don’t eat food without you.’
We have the dinner. And she again forgot who was I and who was she. I made her sleep and went back to writing my new book for her. To keep her alive every time.